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Being needy or clingy in a relationship creates that exact dynamic and can have the opposite effect you long for. When you’re clingy, it doesn’t feel good to your partner. The emotions that fuel clinginess—such as insecurity, jealousy, loneliness and others—are painful ones. In the middle of texting, calling, driving past his house, or checking out her Facebook page, pay attention to what your body is telling you. “Cohesive,” on the other hand, refers to elements of the same thing sticking together, which is much better description of what being a healthy couple should be.

It can leave your love-interest feeling trapped, suffocated, and smothered. ) that you’re too clingy, here are five steps to liberate not only your partner from the clutches of clinginess, but yourself as well. When you are at your clingiest, you may even feel driven and powerless, as if you couldn’t choose to behave differently even if you wanted to. If you’re longing to connect is a lot stronger than your partner’s— or if you’re being driven by insecurity, jealousy or loneliness—take a step back. When you’re adhesive, you can cause even someone who really loves you to long for space and, in doing so, diminish your chances of ever developing cohesiveness as a couple.

These are good indicators that you may be in the clingy zone. If your sweetheart is craving space, the signs include less eye contact, less physical touch, shallow or brief conversations and a “keep your distance” posture like crossed legs or arms. Sign up for a class, join a small group, or pursue a passion or talent that is yours and yours alone. A good rule of thumb is to match—not exceed—the energy, attention, and effort your partner is investing in your relationship.

When we’re convinced we’re not getting “enough” from a partner and we’re starving for more, it’s natural to become clingy. Feed your need—for conversation, companionship, affirmation, whatever—from more than one source.

It will make me appreciate you so much more if I can just have that one night a week to myself or those few hours on a Saturday just to run my errands or see my friends.” You need to make her realize the relationship is going to get better by allowing you to have the free time you desire and need.

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